I've been there. Three years ago I was going through a nasty break up while a best friend was planning her wedding. I was her Maid of Honor, and she had no bridesmaids (just a maid of honor and a best man). I was seriously down in the dumps. Happy for my friend, but truly heartbroken for myself. (It was also one of those times where it seemed like everyone around me was getting engaged, and I was just praying I'd have someone to bring as my date.)
When she'd call me to vent about her FMIL being nutty about the guest list, or the invitations getting jammed in the printer, sometimes all that went through my mind was, "If only my life were so horrible. It must just be a nightmare to have a wonderful man who wants to love and cherish you all the days of his life AND a printer that's really acting up". It was a tough time, and I definitely pushed myself to be truly selfless. Being genuinely happy for someone in spite of your own heartbreak is a challenging thing.
MOH Me, Groom Andrew, Bride Carrie (now my BM), and Best Man Tyras
But that's life. Not everyone is happy at the same time, and it's likely that you've got a friend or bridesmaid going through a tough time while you're debating wedding china patterns. So, what's a bride to do?
Here's some advice:
Be open with your friend. Ask what she needs from you. You may think you're being sensitive by avoiding talking about wedding things, but your friend may feel hurt and left out. Or, you may feel like you should act like everything is "totally normal" and your friend may feel that you're being insensitive to their feelings when you talk about wedding things as if nothing is wrong. Try: "I want to gush about every last wedding detail to you, but I'm also conscious of the fact that you're going through a tough time/break up/divorce so I don't want to seem insensitive".
When you spend time with your friend, be sure to check in with her. As a bride, it's really easy to catch a case of "wedding brain". When you do talk about wedding related things it may be a good idea to say something like, "Promise me you'll stop me when you've hit your capacity, it's so easy to ramble on and on about this stuff". Realize that she'd probably be thrilled to have your problems. When your Save the Dates are slightly "off", she may not be the first person you should call. Make sure to be a friend, and do non-wedding related things leading up to your wedding together. If you see her withdrawing or shutting down, don't be offended. Ask her about it. Acknowledge that she's struggling with mixed emotions.
Ultimately, be as open with each other as possible. All to often, tension in relationships is caused by NOT talking. Have you encountered a similar situation? How did you get through it?
