Blah (plus a million other emotions)

I'm not really sure where to start. Or where this is going. Bear with me.

I've had about 4 days back in reality. Mr. Seashell's Mom passed away last Tuesday, we spent the remainder of the week making arrangements for her Memorial Service, the weekend honoring her life, and returned to work on Monday. The whirlwind of it all still hasn't set in. All I know is that I'm hopelessly exhausted.

On Monday morning my Mom and I made a wedding "to do" list. It didn't contain any surprises, but it overwhelmed me beyond belief. My Mom is a do-er, she is able to accomplish more in a day than I usually can, and she will tackle her remaining wedding tasks full-force. However, she has no crafting talent. We both have no crafting talent, but she actually outdoes me in that category. It's bad. Mr. Seashell's mom was a crafting genius. She actually was an artist. With her helping hand no longer available, I'm feeling lost.

On the DIY projects we've tackled together thus far, Mr. Seashell has teased me, "How is it that I'm teaching you how to craft?!" My answer is simple: I come from a crafting-stupid family, he was exposed to talent throughout his development. I actually made him set up and teach me how to use our cricut. I was afraid of it for a while. But I digress...

Not only has Mr. Seashell lost his mother, but he's also trying to be there for his father. And I'm trying to be there for both of them too. And I'm trying to tackle a "to do" list that's a mile long. To compound it all, I feel like a terrible, self-centered, evil bride asking anything of Mr. Seashell right now. He is feeling things that I cannot even imagine. I do not know the grief of losing a mother. But I need him right now - I need his help - I can't do the next 2 months alone. And yet, who am I to ask anything of him right now? All I should be doing is giving.

I warned you - I started this post not really knowing where my thoughts would lead - but here I am... The best way I know how to honor Mr. Seashell's mom is to put my heart and soul into this wedding. That's exacly what she did. I have only shared with you a handful of the projects she contributed to our wedding - the pew leaves, the ring pillow, and out of town boxes (which I'll share after our guests receive them). I want our wedding to be a phenomenal outpouring of joy and celebration, which sadly, our engagement has not seen. More than ever, we need something to celebrate. So why do I feel so awful even saying, "hey, about those oversized floral letters - want to get them painted tonight?" I hate that everything feels awful right now. I hate it.

I feel hopelessly stuck - and alone - and in a quintessential catch-22. I believe the wedding will bring joy, and yet the means to get there feel insensitive. I don't know how to do this. It will all get figured out with time, but now it's blah.

The Seashell Bachelorette Party: Part Two

So there I was, embracing my inner bachelorette. I'll admit, it was pretty fun. The biggest surprise of all was how amazingly supportive my fellow Vegas partiers were. I got one huge, "Congratulations!!!" after another. (There were a few "don't do it!" comments mixed in there too, but mainly genuine happiness from the Vegas crowd). Who knew Vegas was so pro-marriage? Oh, wait. Duh.

On to the rest of the trip: The next morning we hit Tao Beach. If you've been following along closely, we didn't leave the Venetian. Ah, the beauty of Vegas. Bridesmaid Leah scored a cabana through a PR hook up. She rocks. The day started quiet and serene. But my visions of reading and sipping fruity drinks by the pool disappeared quickly.

What started as this:

...became this:

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But it was a blast. Before I knew it I was dancing in the pool with oversized sunglasses and talking to guys sporting random wigs. We danced, we ate, we drank, we almost got into a fight with a girl who drunkenly accused us of something which still remains unclear. It was somewhat hilarious.

Later, we had a ridiculously decadent dinner at Valentino (I think I'm still full), and then we returned to our suite for more presents. Seriously, girls? You spoiled me beyond belief.

Then on the last day (sorry, no photos - oops) we shopped till we dropped and then hit the airport. All in all, I couldn't have asked for more. Allie and Leah - you went WAY out of your way to make my bachelorette weekend special and I can't thank you enough. Moreover, you have been there to support me during what has proven to be a difficult time for me and Mr. Seashell. I am so lucky to have you, and I couldn't love you more!

Where did your Bachelorette Party adventures take you?

The Seashell Bachelorette Party: Part One

What could be in this adorable box? Let's take a peek inside!

All sorts of treats for the Seashell Bachelorette Party in Las Vegas (including a detailed itinerary)? How lucky can a girl get?!

Just a few days before I packed my bags for Las Vegas, Bridesmaids Allie and Leah sent me a wonderful box of treats to help me prepare for our Bachelorette adventure. As if I wasn't excited before, I sure was now. In fact, Mr. Seashell was having his Bachelor Party the same weekend and I suspect he was a pinch jealous of the thoughtful preparations headed my way.

So here was the plan: semi-chill girls getaway weekend with the perfect mix of "out on the town" and lounge around. I reminded my bridesmaids that I'm "28 and don't feel the need to run around yell 'woooooo'". I also shared my anti-penis paraphernalia stance. Bridesmaid Allie scolded, "We're going to VEGAS, c'mon." So, here are photos of me below opening all sorts of inappropriate, bachelorette themed gifts, and well - I don't look all that unhappy. In no time I requested "a cocktail with a little cock in it" and Bridesmaid Allie happily obliged with a drink including a penis straw.

After cracking open drinks and fun gifts all around it was time to head outside!

We hit the pool. At 103 degrees outside, submerged in water was the only option for being outdoors. Everyone else had the same idea.

After a few hours in the sun we cleaned up, got pretty, and hit TAO!

...and we had a moment with our kobe beef

After stuffing ourselves with delicious food, it was time to "veil up" and become a true bachelorette!

...and so began our night!

Did you embrace your inner bachelorette?

There Will Be Joy

...but now there is only heartbreak.

Mr. Seashell's Mom passed away yesterday. Her cancer took a horrible turn for the worse late last week, and things are forever changed. It doesn't feel real. It is simply horrendous. We are in shock, disbelief, and feeling a depth of emotion that I cannot even quantify.

Mr. Seashell's Mom, Justine, has touched my life in a way for which I can only express gratitude. From the moment we met, she welcomed me into her world with the warmest, most open arms. She has treated me like a daughter, and loved me not only for loving her son but for who I was as an individual. We spent countless afternoons together - just the two of us - talking, sharing in our hopes and dreams for the future, daydreaming about weddings, and grandchildren, and all that was to come, while "the boys" were off doing their own thing. I knew I was hopelessly blessed to have a Future Mother In-Law whom I genuinely loved. Loved. I love you, Justine.

This loss will be felt for a long time in countless ways. In the days to come, it will be terribly powerful. On our wedding day, it will be profoundly bittersweet. When her grandchildren are born, I will deeply miss her. Each milestone will seem touched with sadness.


For you, Justine, there will be joy. But right now all we can do is miss you.

 

 Justine on her wedding day

Justine adored Weddingbee. It brought her great joy in the face of her illness, and I am deeply thankful to each and every one of you for your love, support, and comments throughout the Seashell Wedding planning process. Justine has touched our wedding through project after project and with her phenomenal enthusiasm. It will be wonderfully evident on our wedding day.

Twice as Nice!

Like so many of you, I'm a two shower bride. I was showered in Providence in June, and now it's time for our Chicago shower in just a few weeks!

In addition to the invite above, this cute card was also tucked in to the envelope that recently showed up in our mailbox.

I can't wait to see what kind of advice we receive!

Next, check out the registry section of our wedding website. Why? Well, I kind of love looking at that sort of stuff (being oh-so-slightly nosy) and you'll notice how well the shower invite ties in with our website theme - leaves, purples, and general prettiness.

At our Providence shower we were lucky enough to receive ALL 12 settings of our everyday china. Woo hoo! Even though Mr. Seashell suggested we save it to use until after we are married (silly man), I still wanted to go through and make sure everything looked good and was complete. Good thing I did...

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See our 12 dishes? They came with 12 mugs. They also came with 7 saucers, 2 bowls, one giant bowl. And, if you do the math two missing pieces. Refer to the stock photo above. Something off? Yes, I think so.

I took my mismatched sets to my local Crate and Barrel here in Chicago and showed them what I had received. They were more than helpful in correcting what had mistakenly shipped and also pointed the finger at the Providence Place Mall for the incorrect sets. Bad, mall, bad. They were also kind enough to let me keep the oversized bowl since they had no idea where it fit in the mix. Perhaps I'll serve some sort of side dish in it. Not sure.

Moral of the story? Check your shipments. Most definitely check them if you plan on putting your shower/wedding gifts in storage for any amount of time. Have you received any registry "surprises"?

The Truth About Cohabitation

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Not that long ago, living together before marriage was largely regarded as highly rebellious. In many circles it still is. But what's changed is that cohabitation 20 or 30 years ago was a revolt against marriage, and today it is typically a step in the process toward marriage. How often are we doing it? Statistics suggest that the number of couples that live together before marriage today is around 50%.

When Mr. Seashell and I began apartment hunting back in June 2008 (after just a mere 6 months of dating - which now sounds insane) Mama Seashell wasn't thrilled. Interestingly, the first thing she said wasn't that it was completely ridiculous since we'd just met, but her sentiment was: "I really thought you were someone who cared more about getting married." She was speaking to the heavily publicized statistics that couples that cohabitate are doomed to two realities: they will never marry (or suffer a heavily delayed engagement), and they risk a substantially more likely divorce. I do agree that couples who live together for a long period of time without clear, mutually agreed upon vision of when marriage will occur do risk a delayed engagement. I hate the "Why buy the cow when you can get the milk for free?" analogy, but it does have some merit here. The statistic that I do want to speak to is that couples who live together before marriage are doomed to a higher divorce rate. I have good news for those of us living in sin:

If you have only lived with your husband/wife before marriage your likelihood of divorce is actually LOWER! In fact, the number is 28% versus 50% as compared to the general population.

What's that you say, Miss Seashell? This means that serial cohabitators do run a higher divorce risk. They are the ones that have been driving the statistics up. Think about it, it makes sense. People who have lived with multiple partners are used to moving in, breaking up, moving out, and starting over. Those are the ones who are statistically at risk.

Now, I'm not saying that living together before marriage is right for everyone. I can respect that sharing a home and a bedroom is something that many couples value until after they have exchanged vows. But it was the right decision for me and Mr. Seashell. And yet, if we had broken-up at any point since moving in together I can recognize that it would have felt much more like a divorce than a breakup. It's a risky endeavor, but we were both intensely confident that living together was a single step in a larger process.

Did you live with your fiance before marriage? What factors went into the decision?

Getting Pretty: With a Some Bee Help

The more time that passed the more ambivalent I felt about my hair and makeup trial. Being so far from Providence, I was starting to feel anxious because I couldn't simply schedule an additional appointment with my stylist (without hopping on a plane). What to do?

Mrs. Nachos to the rescue! 

Even in the midst of getting ready to move she was willing to unpack her rollers and fire 'em up for a hair trial. Nothing like being in the hands of a recent-bride-experienced-stylist to calm a bride's nerves. Oh, and I brought her some nachos (and wine). Seemed appropriate.

She got the rollers warmed up. The July Chicago heat probably could have done the job just fine.

Then we were ready to style!

While Mrs. Nachos was styling, Mr. Nachos came in with their adorable pups Princess and Hazel. We chatted about their fantastic St. Thomas nuptials and getting eaten alive by the local bugs. Then, after a million bobby pins and some curling and twirling Mrs. Nachos was able to deliver the look I was hoping to achieve: slightly asymmetrical updo with no part in the front. OMGILOVEIT!

Then we threw on her veil for some real girly fun.

Thank you, Mrs. Nachos!

In case you wanted a side by side, here's the look from my original trial. I think there is an obvious winner. But you tell me.

Feeling great after zeroing in on my wedding hair, I was on to finalizing my hair accessory. As much as I adore hair flowers, I decided that one wouldn't complete my wedding look. I was in search of something more antique-looking. In the back of my memory, I'd stored these photos of Mrs. Star's post-wedding shoot as my inspiration:

After searching etsy for a while, I decided to contact Mrs. Star and ask where she found it. To my surprise, she so generously offered to lend it to me! In fact, it already arrived on my doorstep and now I have my something borrowed - and I couldn't be more thrilled.

So sweet!

Have you had things come together with some unexpected outside help?

Reflections Of A Bridesmaid

I have a friend who was recently adding up the number of times she's been a bridesmaid. The tally: 14. FOURTEEN! I literally don't understand how this is even possible. She claims that it's partially because she went to a Christian college and a lot of her friends married young (including her) and had huge wedding parties. The other part, not to be underestimated, is that she is a fabulous friend. But still - 14?! She said she's one part honored, and one part broke from buying all those dresses. Poor thing.

I've been a bridesmaid three times. Each time I was totally spoiled with laid back brides who treated me nothing like a "maid". (Side note: If anyone has come up with a more user friendly term I'd love to hear it. I keep calling them "my girls" because the implication of "bride's maid" gets me every time. For example, I say "my girls are each in different dresses in different shades of aubergine", or "my girls are spread all over the country - it's crazy!")

As a bride to be, I've been thinking about my experiences at the altar to date. There is no exact set of rules for being a bridesmaid, but I did find these tips helpful. Here are some brief recaps:

Bridesmaid Carrie's Wedding:

Carrie was arguably the most laid-back bride in history. I am not exaggerating. She actually asked me to choose a dress, in any color and style, and let her know what it looked like. Then, she told her best man to coordinate his tie and the florist to match the flowers. "Oh, and then I guess we'll make sure the invitations match too" she said. Ultimately, she let me choose her wedding colors. I don't think it gets more easy going.
 She did ask me to put together bathroom baskets. I also did her make up as well as her mother's, my own, and Mama Seashells that day!
Carrie also rocked rustic simplicity before it exploded on the blogosphere. Way to supersede a trend, friend!


Bridesmaid Ashley's Wedding:

Ashley got married immediately after completing medical school. The task of wrapping up med school and planning a wedding boggles my mind, but she managed to pull it off. One afternoon she sent me a message over gchat saying that she found dresses at JCrew on sale and she wanted to order them for all of her bridesmaids. I sent her my size, and a few days later my dress arrived on my doorstep. Easy peasy.
Bridesmaid Allie and I also got to partake in wedding dress shopping with Bridesmaid Ashley. It made for some wonderful girly fun, and it was special to be there on the day that Ashley purchased The Dress. Oh, and there may or may not have been a hilariously fun bachelorette party in Chicago, but I have to give Bridesmaid Allie most of the credit for that one.

Patty's Wedding:

Patty was my childhood babysitter who found love at 40. I was honored to be her bridesmaid. MOH Julia was a bridesmaid as well, so she's had practice walking down the aisle! My main requirement for Patty's wedding was to find a navy dress. One afternoon I was wandering Ann Taylor on Michigan Avenue and happened upon two navy dresses - on in my size and one in Julia's - on sale! I immediately called Patty, and it was a done deal.
I did wrap jordan almond favors with Mama Seashell and Patty one afternoon after begging for a wedding-related task. I also did Patty's make up for her wedding as well as my own and Sister Seashell's.

I have repeatedly loved being a bridesmaid. It has been so special to be a part of the weddings of women that mean so much to me. Being a bridesmaid honors a relationship, and affords you a unique opportunity to literally stand by a loved one on one of the most important days of their lives.

How many times have you been a bridesmaid? What were your responsibilities?

Olio Arrivato!

Oh, sweet details, I love when you come together! Let me fill you in on one of the latest Seashell projects. But first, an obligatory message to our wedding guests:

In recent weeks, we've had a flood of arrivals. First, a notable one from Italy!

So, as you may have guessed, our favors are in!

You may also recall our sweet ring pillow and the gold leaves attached to it. Reader audamy mentioned that the metal leaves could be purchased on Etsy if you search under "supplies". What a great tip! I purchased about 250.

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Armed with my new cricut, I'm going to cut leaf-shaped escort card tags and attach these metal leaves to the bottles of olive oil to await our guests at the entrance of our venue. I think it's all coming together! Any suggestions on ribbon, hive?

The Best Little Black Box EVER.

I'm not sure what it is exactly that gets me so jazzed about our wedding bands, but Mr. Seashell already had to take them away from me for fear that I was getting a little too obsessed. In fact, he threatened to ship them off to Las Vegas for his Best Man to hold onto until the wedding. Then he "hid" them in his night stand. Nice try, honey. Before Mr. Seashell got home from work tonight I pulled them out for a photo shoot before their big day. Mr. Seashell may or may not have caught me in some point in the process. And yes, you already saw them from our day at the jeweler. But this is different, they're HOME and they're OURS. It's REAL.

Ok, I'm done. I'll back my train out of crazy town. Did your wedding bands inspire any sort of crazy covert photo shoot? No, just me?